Shadowboxing.

I woke up with this phrase on my mind, so I decided to write about it:

You can only shadowbox for so long.

Naturally...it's sports-related, but it goes beyond that. First, here's a short list of music that maybe you'll want to play while you read.

• Seal: "Fly Like An Eagle" [Space Jam's soundtrack is my jam]
• Pierce Fulton: "Kuaga" / "Kuaga (Yotto Remix)"
• Don Omar: "Soledad"
• Cee-Lo Green: "Bright Lights, Bigger City"
• Deorro & DyCy: "Hold Me Back / Five Hours (Empia Remix)"
• Zedd, Matthew Koma, Miriam Bryant: "Find You (Kevin Drew Remix)"
• OneRepublic: "I Lived"
• Mat Zo: "Lucid Dream"
• Gavin DeGraw: "Fire"
• Avicii & Robbie Williams: "The Days"

What I mean with that quote, obviously, is that you can only do so much alone. I've touched that topic before, but it's vital in all areas of life. You can't improve as a boxer by shadowboxing alone. You won't improve at tennis (as much) by just using the wall. You definitely can't get any better at racquetball if you're the only one on the court.

No man is an island.

To get anywhere in life, to improve your craft, to keep your sanity...it's important to have kindred spirits around you, but you'll need to carefully seek them out. When you make friends, you will find, over time, that rare few that just get you—you'll know it when you see it. If you're a people person, you can even separate the genuine ones from those with motive to learn you (and you should—more on this later). The ones who gravitate the most to you tend to be of the same mind you are, with similar goals and mindsets.

My modus operandi has almost always been to remain reserved until I've determined that it's absolutely necessary or perfectly okay to do otherwise—imagine that. In that time, I like to get a lay of the land; know what I'm dealing with and with whom I'm dealing on a daily basis. I will intensely and silently observe the people around me, forming opinions (not judgements—this is important) based on their behaviors. I will do this consistently, while in passing or in conversation; not just what is said or done, but how and why. It doesn't form a complete picture, but it gives you a good foundation on which to build a rapport with someone—or a reason to avoid doing precisely that.

So, during my morning musing, I recalled this article on LifeHacker, and remembered when I started to shift my thinking more radically. I grew up highly guarded—as in, priding myself in the appearance of being completely unflappable. Which, honestly, is stupid for me to do now. While most of my almost-aggressively even keel is due to genetics and a non-judgemental nature, it also has a lot to do with an idea I've applied to areas of my being.

When someone knows what you want, they know what to take from you.

Which relates to my original point. This is something my mom said occasionally—her dad said it often to her. There's great sense to it, and my understanding has changed over the years. Around age 18, I adopted the art of subtle misdirection (which I've abandoned now, don't worry—unless you're playing me in poker, in which case...good luck). Basically...built a shell on top of introversion. This was dismantled over the next few years because I realized that my bulletproof poker face, while great for turning a 200% profit in Texas Hold 'Em (seriously, my play style is downright evil), had the effect of suppressing nearly all the charisma I got from Dad.

I thought it a mark of strength to show as little emotion as possible—entirely missing the point of what Mom said to me (it means don't run about the workplace bragging and recklessly talking). That simply isn't true. When you're honest with the way you feel, it's freeing. The strength lies in how you deal with it.

I'm still a private guy, but when meeting people and working with others on a daily basis, I make it a point to be open. Not to say anyone should change who they are, but do always push to be the best version of yourself. When I first arrived at my new job, I went ahead and introduced myself without holding back as I would have done in the past—after all...these are the people I will be spending the majority of my week with.

To have friends, a man must first show himself to be friendly.

Swap out the gender-specific words if you like. This is something my dad said to me in my younger years, and he is by far the most charming person I know. All of this to say...you have to want to be the kind of person that others want to know. It's vital to success in the television (or any) industry.

What I give to everyone I meet is an honest face. My emotions and thoughts will show on my face: joy, irritation, or nothing at all. There's a place for being diplomatically reserved, and there's a place for laying yourself bare. What I pride myself in now is delivering on promises, and daily experimentation. I make a habit out of living outside my comfort zone (my job depends on that, really) and finding ways to better myself, and I get my joy from going one step further.

You have to be brutally honest with yourself, first. I'll do this by routinely thinking of myself from the third person perspective. What does someone see when they look at me? There's an unhelpful way to go about this, and it's when you're being superficial or manipulative about it. Am I comfortable with what I'm projecting? Why/why not? That's the way to be about it. Be aware of yourself, your strengths and weaknesses, and your kindred spirits—your close friends—can provide you with a stronger outside look at yourself; at the same time, you'll be doing the same for them, because they have a similar aim.

I'm not saying to base everything on outward perception by any means. Bring that into balance with your desire and your drive, and you're well on your way. Never stop going one step further. You'll surprise others. More importantly, you'll surprise yourself, and that's the greatest feeling in the world.

The point of my personal story leads to these key ideas:

• Make friends
• Make close friends
• Make friends at work
• Be the best version of yourself
• Live outside your comfort zone
• Don't neglect yourself for others' sakes
• Do not play Norman in poker
• Self awareness is a great skill
• Be honest with others
• Be honest with yourself

Happy Sunday.

Rest in peace, Stuart Scott, whose personality was a catalyst for change in my own.